The Girl was born to be dead

written by Chakriya PHOU

This world does not seem to have justice. 

I was dragged into this world; a man raped a girl, and she got pregnant. 

When I was in her womb, she wanted to give up on me.  

Three months after conception, she drank medicine to get rid of me. Unfortunately, the medicine had expired. 

She tried again when I was three-and-a-half months old, by going to see a doctor. The doctor refused. She went to another nurse; she agreed. On the day they made the appointment, the house of that nurse caught fire. 

She did not stop thinking of getting rid of me. She jumped from the stairs, jumped from the first floor, rolled down a hill towards the rocks, etc. but at those moments, people helped her. 

That girl cried every night. I could hear her crying. I saw her punch her abdomen strongly. I could feel how much she hated me. 

When she cried, I cried too. I wanted to say sorry. I didn't mean to upset her. 

She ate little. Perhaps she wanted to kill me step by step. She couldn’t kill me openly; she had to do it secretly. 

Before long, it was nine months and then days. I could not remain in the womb anymore. I had to get out. I did not care about anything besides freeing myself from that narrow space full of snot and mucus. 

At last, I was able to leave. 

Then the girl became sweet to me. 

She said, “Sorry.”

She carried me, she kissed me, her expression was completely different, but I did not feel anything from her warmth and love. She cried and cried and cried, but I could not hear her, I could not hear anything. 

I was dead when I was born. It was my destiny.